


To Die Is To Be A Counterfeit

by orphan_account



Series: those that awakened [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Finn understands the force through color, Finn's Family, Force-Sensitive Finn, Gen, Hiking, Jedi Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 13:03:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10190498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Finn struggles with his new life and new purpose. Luke is there for him.





	

Their new Base planet was Finn’s new favorite place in the galaxy. Beautifully carved mountain ranges lined the horizon and the air was always just on the edge of too dry, the sky always clear. Narrow canyons and glaciers rested between the steep cliffs. The soil was a dark beautiful hue of red, rich and healthy and always on the verge of frozen. The plant life was prickly but vibrantly green, the most common plant being an intensely blue flower that smelled so sweet Finn could taste it on his tongue. 

 

It was far too cold for Rey to be entirely comfortable, but she didn’t complain to Finn about it much, sharing in his delight of the green landscape and the freedom of open skies. She and Poe instead would hide their grievances until Finn had vacated the vicinity, so as not to ruin his fun. Finn, not being an idiot, noticed their discomfort and, frankly incessant, whining, but left them to it. Many members of the old Rebellion were found shaking their heads at the youngsters, muttering menacing threats about a place called Hoth and things like, “You don’t know just how good you have it, bunch’a spoiled brats.”

 

Finn spent what little free time he had exploring what he could. The unregulated environment was such a fresh experience, every small thing about it falling in stark contrast to what he had always known. The air wasn’t still and uncontaminated, new breezes and scents and textures always shifting across the earth’s surface, brushing against his arms and cheeks. The ambient noise was never quiet, there was no repetitive white noise, predictable and numbing. Instead, the sounds of life were nearly cacophonous at times to the untrained ear, birds cackling, insects humming, withered dried up trees falling, wind through spiny leaves, through narrow canyons and crevasses, whistling and laughing and roaring. Though there was little precipitation, the ice in the earth was always melting and freezing, causing huge groans to rumble underneath the topsoil and alongside weathered slopes. 

 

And the colors, the colors were magnificent. There were so many and they changed throughout the day, at different altitudes, in the sun or double moonlight or shade. Colors and actual light, Finn cherished. He would wake up from nightmares of condensed sickly glows, starched and lifeless and _clean_ , to mornings of so much depth and luster he could hardly breathe for it. Frequently he found himself wishing he never had to close his eyes again. The galaxy was just so beautiful and here he was, the being who had emerged from the broken body of FN-2187, able to witness it. 

 

~

 

“Finn,” he heard a voice whisper. “Finn, my young padawan, it’s time to rise.”

 

Finn felt an affectionate squeeze on his upper arm and opened his eyes. He squinted up at the sad kindly face of Master Skywalker, smiling fondly down at him. 

 

“Luke?” He asked, voice rough with sleep.

 

“Come, Finn,” Luke said, rising from his crouch on the barracks floor, far too agile and smooth for a man his age. “Lessons start early today.”

 

Finn, glanced out the window above his bunk at the new gray dawn. The rest of his unit was still sleeping, snoring, and blissfully unaware of an old Jedi intent on disturbing Finn’s sleep. 

 

“What time is it?” Finn asked, swinging his legs from the cot and reaching for his boots. 

 

“No matter,” Luke said, a hint of amusement coloring his tone. “Time for lessons, as I said.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Finn muttered, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “And the reason for this particular wake-up call is…?”

 

Luke ignored Finn’s prompting. 

 

“Come one, young one,” he tossed Finn’s coat on the cot beside him and then gently pushed a fuzzy hat over Finn’s head, making to sure to roll it over his ears. A feeling of deep affection blossomed in Finn’s chest, blushing and warming all over from the simple action. He was getting more and more accustomed to being cared for, but sometimes it still took him by surprise when Leia would monitor his sleeping schedule, or Rey would sneak him an extra portion of desert, or Poe would greet him with enthusiastic hugs and sometimes even a kiss or two on the forehead and cheek. Luke in particular was keen on being there for him, for him and Rey. Finn, though still longing desperately to find his own family, felt properly adopted by the pair of them. 

 

Finn quickly finished dressing and met Luke outside barracks, practice saber on his belt and blaster strapped to his thigh. He glanced around for Rey, but Luke didn’t appear to be waiting for anyone else.

 

“Let’s go on a walk,” Luke said. “I’ve got a special lesson planned for today.”

 

So they set off. They walked past the edge of the base, climbing in altitude, and started on the well-worn path to a favorite overlook of the Resistance fighters who needed a little break. They hiked up the trail, but when they reached the makeshift bench at the top, Luke continued past it. For nearly an hour, they delved further into the foothills, climbing higher and higher, until Finn was starting to feel the elevation affect the oxygen levels in the atmosphere. They reached a rocky plateau above a steep bluff, hidden behind a few burnt red buttes and arches, just as the sun properly rose over the mountain range, igniting the soil with fiery colors and making the brush and treetops glow. 

 

“We’ll sit here,” Luke said, walking over to the cliffside. He gracefully dropped into a cross-legged meditative position and gestured for Finn to join in the space in front of him. Finn, curious, walked over and gingerly sat down on the rough ground.

 

“You gonna tell me what this is all about, now?” he asked, watching the amused blue of Luke’s eyes grow brighter in the molten morning light. 

 

Luke smiled and said, “I was hoping you would tell me.”

 

Finn sent a half-hearted glare Luke’s way and crossed his arms, saying, "That's a bit cryptic."

 

Luke laughed and his hair, gray and golden, shimmered as his head shook.

 

“Sorry,” he said. “But, compared to my old Masters, I'm always clear as day."

 

Finn glanced over Luke’s shoulder, worried that some Force-ghosts were lingering as they tend to when Luke hints at the various ways they fell short in his education, but all he saw was a landscape awakening and wispy clouds swirling then vanishing in the distance. 

 

“What I mean,” Luke continued, “Is that I believe there are some concerns weighing on you. I would like to offer my assistance if you have need of it. Or want it.”

 

Finn immediately seized up, his body reacting before his mind at the threat of failure, of not measuring up to a superior’s expectations, and all the implications behind that. His gaze fell on the lines of his palm and he traced the changing hues from thumb to pinky with his eyes, breathing deep. 

 

“I don’t -” he began but cut himself off. 

 

“You are allowed to ask for help, Finn,” Luke said.

 

Finn swallowed and lifted his head to meet Luke’s eyes, latching onto the bright color and Luke’s soft green presence in the Force. He waited a moment, letting the gusty wind cool his face, heated from the exertion of the hike, letting the sounds of an unrestrained and uncontrolled wilderness wash over his primary senses, and letting the colors of all the life around him flash and sparkle a moment before his secondary sight. 

 

He took a breath and looked down at eroded sand and stone in front of him, digging his hand in the smooth earthy soil. 

 

“Alright,” he said, not looking back up. “I’ve just been wondering, what all this means. Why I have this ability. If it’s even worth all that much to the Resistance in the first place. And I want to know - I _really_ want to know - where I’m from. I want to belong somewhere, but I have no idea where I could possibly start. I don’t want to be what the First Order made me, but I can’t escape it, no matter how I try.”

 

He shuttered and asked in a small voice, “Will that be the only place I fit? Will that be the only family I have? I mean, _family._  Where I come from. Am I only a product, a son, of the First Order?”

 

After a few moments of silence, he risked a look at Luke. The compassion was expected but it felt good all the same.

 

“Finn,” he said. “I don’t have the answers to your questions. Much of what you seek is up to you. But I think I can offer you assurance on one front. On the subject of your abilities, from my limited perspective, I can promise you that they are great and significant. _How_ they are great and significant will, again, ultimately be up to you. All I can tell you is what I know. Would you like to hear it?”

 

Finn nodded. 

 

“I sensed your defection,” Luke began. “From light-years across the galaxy, I sensed the moment you released yourself from that abuse, from that prison. It was a bright spark. It was as if the Force itself had been reignited. Never had I felt such hope. That is, until a day later when you reignited the spark inside of Rey, just one step in the chain of events all stemming from that one drop you let fall into the fabric of the galaxy. That one drop of pure goodness—”

 

Finn had to interrupt. 

 

“No, sir, that wasn’t _goodness,_ ” he protested. “At least not purely. I was terrified and ready to run. Max Kanata saw it, she saw I was a runner—”

 

“You are not a monolith, Finn, and neither are your motivations or actions,” Luke said sternly. “But even if you were acting out of concern for your own survival, I suppose the question I have for you is this: why is that not still goodness?”

 

Finn had no answer. 

 

“Listen to me, Finn,” he said. “Survival is an essentially good act. The Force wills survival because the Force is the energy that flows through all _living_ things. You are alive, Finn. You are as alive as that blooming bush. You would not call that bush selfish for sprouting, growing, taking in nutrients, and asking for more with a bright flower. Tell me, Finn, what color is that flower?”

 

“Blue,” Finn said, thoroughly confused by where this conversation was going. The flower was very obviously blue. 

 

“No, Finn,” Luke said, “What _color_ is that flower?”

 

Finn widened his eyes in understanding. He focused inward, on his sight and on the delicate petals shivering in the breeze. At once, he saw a liquid silver start dripping from its form, reflecting light with its every breath. 

 

“Silver, I think,” he said. "With hints of black."

 

“You are very sensitive to color, Finn,” Luke remarked, clearly impressed. “All I got was gray and I’ve been concentrating on it since we first arrived on this planet.”

 

“What does that have to do with anything, though?” Finn asked, uncomfortable with the praise. 

 

“You asked what the point of your abilities were, and I’m here to tell you, absolutely, it is to do what you did just now.”

 

“What, look at flowers?”

 

“Yes, of course. Why not? It’s not just flowers though, is it? It’s every living thing you’ve ever encountered. You can see life. You can see its essence. You can see its energy, through very little effort, I might add. You can walk through dense fog and unrelenting smoke, clearsighted and strong. You are intrinsically of value with the conscious life you fought to possess for yourself when you rescued Poe from his torturers. You are also of value because you can see beyond and through what others cannot.”

 

Luke reached forward and grabbed Finn’s hand in both his own. 

 

“‘Meaning’ is for you to decide. How you want to use this vision of yours is up to you. But whatever you decide, I’m here. You’re not alone in this quest. You aren’t the first one to go on it, in fact. Why do you think I spent so many years on that backwater island, surrounded only by ghosts?”

 

Finn squeezed Luke’s hand tightly, staring down at their clasped fingers. The long scars on his back and shoulder were starting to sting. 

 

“You’re not alone anymore, Finn. You don’t have to do this alone,” Luke repeated before ducking his head to catch Finn’s eyes. “And as for your family, I think we can work on a solution together. If it’s a priority to you, it’s a priority to me. I understand at least partially how you feel. I mostly became a Jedi in the first place to feel closer to my father - don’t look like that, it was before I knew who he was.” He added with a smile. 

 

“In all honesty, dear Finn,” Luke said, “I’ll start planning now. Perhaps a covert ops mission with my new padawans will be a decent first real-world lesson. We can hack into your old archives, trace the information back, follow where it leads. We’ll find them, Finn. We’ll try.”

 

Finn, though overwhelmed with numerous positive emotions, couldn’t help but smirk and say, “Do or do not, there is no try.”

 

“Yes, well,” Luke said, sitting up again and tossing his hair back with a pompous twist of his head, looking very much like the General when she starts to moralize, “Some things are taken completely out of context and lack the complexity of understanding necessary to properly respond to a multitude of situations; which is to say, dogma and absolutes are only inflexible concerning very certain and universal truths.”

 

“So old Jedi proverbs are just bantha shit.”

 

Luke burst out laughing and said between chuckles, “Not entirely, no, but I’m glad you have a healthy sense of skepticism.”

 

Finn realized he was still clinging to Luke’s hand but still couldn’t bring himself to let go. Perhaps sensing this, Luke reached forward, wrapped his metal hand around the back of Finn’s neck and pulled Finn’s head down to rest his shoulder. Finn went willingly, encircling his free arm around Luke’s back and breathing deeply. 

 

“We’ll find them, Finn,” he said. “You were from somewhere before you were from the First Order. And, for what it’s worth, now you’re also from here.”

 

Finn let a few tears leak from his eyes and didn’t ask where ‘here’ was. When he opened his senses and saw Luke’s presence in the force, the same deeply warm green as ever, he felt and knew the heat that flowed across the energy between them. It was love. Luke loved him.

 

~

That night he meditated, focusing on distant cloudy memories nearly wiped from his mind so long ago. As he slept, he had a vivid dream.

~

 

_“Look at this smart little boy!” his mother exclaimed as he tied up his own boots for the first time. “Honey, come look at how clever our son is! Look at what he’s done, he’s tied his own little boots!”_

 

_A man swooped into his vision and suddenly he was hoisted into the air by a pair of large warm hands. He giggled and screeched, delighted by the feeling of weightlessness._

 

_“Now that’s what I call wisdom at an early age!” His father boomed out. He repeated himself, only this time singing it out brightly in a jolly tune, “Now that’s what I call wisdom/ Now that’s what I call wisdom/ Now that’s what I call wisdom at an ear-ly a-age!”_

 

_His mother joined in at the last note and Finn squealed at the ringing harmony, enthralled as he always was with his parents' music._

 

_His mother then grabbed a hat and softly pushed it onto Finn’s head, beaming, before leaning forward and pressing her cheek to his, in the family greeting. “It’s cold out there, you must protect your precious ears. How else will you be able to enjoy our singing?”_

 

_“One day, he’s going to get sick of it, I’m sure,” his father chuckled, pressing his own rough cheek against Finn’s._

 

_“Never,” his mother replied. “He’ll cherish our music forever.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Shakespeare's "Henry IV, Part 1" (4.4.114).


End file.
